assholes.

Dear Red Mazda,license plate 482-DDB,

I know that to brainless blonde bitches, it's probably really hilarious to intentionally run someone off the road. It  won't be so funny when I report you to the police and you will have to sacrifice all that money you would've spent paying for boxed wine and flavored condoms to pay for the fatass fine they're going to give you.

Love,

Paige

all black everything.

Dear People in charge of Evening in Orange,
I know I'm just a lowly designer that worked on a piece for your event ALL SEMESTER LONG, but would it be ok with you if I please dressed up in a sparkly dress and heels? I've endured this shit all semester, and you want me to wear black pants and a black shirt? I am not a waiter, or a funeral home director. I am a tired little person who wants to drink a cocktail in sequins and pretend I'm rich like everyone who will be around me. Also, if I have to try on one more ill-fitting black school marm dress in a department store, I'm going to puke up my increasingly lowered body image all over their smudgy mirrors. The end. love, Paige //end rant

design asshole.

Last night I got upset to the point of screaming over my mom's embroidery machine's horrible software that wouldn't allow a precise grid, type size, or controlled tracking/kerning. My mom couldn't understand why I was so mad. The moral of the story: to the rest of the world, design has made me an asshole.

Buttercream

Dear Buttercream,

I love you..for all your possibilities and shortcomings. It's like one of my obsessive high school relationships. Not quite right yet, but on the verge of something really fantastic. That said, I will never cheat on you with a shortening based frosting ever again. It was a disappointing and lonely experience I hope to never repeat. Unless I can find a happy medium between the both of you and then it's adios....Sorry.

I awkwardly love you forever and always,

Paige

In all seriousness, serious bakers out there, know of any good ways to cut the sweetness in a frosting without compromising the texture?

cupcakes for sale! flavor list!

Below is a list of cupcakes I've made in no real order. I am going to throw it out there that I make pretty darn good cupcakes if I do say so myself, and usually work hard to make them pretty too! I can make you custom cupcakes for any occasion for super cheap-- About half the price of what you'd pay at a gourmet bakery: 15 bucks per bakers dozen, depending on the cupcake(13 cupcakes)!

*note: I'm actually still calculating the average cost per cupcake, so In order for me to afford materials price may change or vary between cupcakes.

• Peanut Butter Chocolate Cupcakes-Chocolate cake with Reese's chips in the batter, topped with peanut buttercream and half a reese cup
• Mint Chocolate Chip Cupcakes-Chocolate cake with semisweet chips in the batter, topped with mint buttercream(just the right amount of mint flavor!)
• Banana Chocolate Chip Cupcakes- Moist banana cake made with ripe bananas and chocolate chips, topped with rich brown sugar buttercream
• Lemon Cupcakes- Lemon cake with a tart lemon frosting
• Chocolate Strawberry Cupcakes-Rich Chocolate Cake filled with chocolate ganache and topped with fresh strawberry frosting
• Aztec Cupcakes-Dark chocolate cake topped with mexican hot chocolate frosting(cayenne/chili powder for a subtle kick!) and decorated with an intricate chocolate topper
• Peach Cupcakes-Moist peach cake topped with cream cheese frosting
• Classic Chocolate/Vanilla cupcakes- Topped with vanilla buttercream or rich chocolate buttercream, or the frosting of your choice in the color of your choice!
• Sour Cream Cupcakes-Topped with Cinnamon Cream Cheese frosting
• Red Velvet Cupcakes- Topped with Cream Cheese or Chocolate Cream Cheese frosting
• Oreo Cupcakes-Chocolate cake with a double stuffed Oreo baked into the center, topped with Oreo Creme frosting and a white chocolate drizzled mini Oreo!

Again, all of these are really mix and match-able and I'm always ready to make a new cupcake, so request away! Just for the record, my next venture is going to be Dark Chocolate Orange Cupcakes :]

Here are some (poor quality, sorry) pictures of some of the cupcakes:

and in stark contrast

to my previous creepy post, there is this. Which is beautiful, and came to mind this weekend just when I needed to remember it.

Psalm 46^[a]

    For the director of music. Of the Sons of Korah. According to alamoth.^[b] A song. ¹ God is our refuge and strength,
   an ever-present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
   and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam
   and the mountains quake with their surging.^[c]
 4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
   the holy place where the Most High dwells.
⁵ God is within her, she will not fall;
   God will help her at break of day.
⁶ Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
   he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
 ⁷ The LORD Almighty is with us;
   the God of Jacob is our fortress.
 ⁸ Come and see what the LORD has done,
   the desolations he has brought on the earth.
⁹ He makes wars cease
   to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
   he burns the shields^[d] with fire.
¹⁰ He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
   I will be exalted among the nations,
   I will be exalted in the earth.”
 ¹¹ The LORD Almighty is with us;
   the God of Jacob is our fortress.

BOH

Dear Band of Horses,

Many other sentimental, poetic 20 somethings will claim to love you as much as I do. But they are lying. To you, and to themselves. It is sad really....do not be swayed by their flippant displays of affection. They will forget about you when the new Mumford and Sons album comes out(and for the record I don't give a shit about Mumford and Sons). But I, I will offer my uterus up for your use. Yes, that is right. I will bear your beautiful--and hopefully fully bearded upon birth--children. You said it best: " No one's gonna love you more than I do." And they won't,EVER.


Love Always and Obsessively,

Paige